Thursday, September 7, 2017

Hair.

I've been thinking about something lately...and it irritates the crap out of me.

(We all know, Brooke. What doesn't irritate the crap out of you?)


I know. But seriously. What's up with men who think women have to be hairless, smooth, baby seal like creatures, in order to be considered sexy, feminine, and desirable?

Oh, yeah. I went there.

Where along the way in the evolution of the female species did women start believing that they have to present the facade of total hairlessness to the world--and especially to males? Despite the fact that we grow hair everywhere, we shave it, pluck it, wax it, and laser it until we appear like odd, hairless she-bots for the menfolk. And I straight up don't get it.

(Disclaimer: my husband is actually pretty chill about hair. Sure, he prefers it when my legs don't feel like a dried out Christmas tree a month after New Years...but when they are, he doesn't whine about it. He doesn't seem to care what sort of package I come in, as long as he's still the only one unwrapping it, if you know what I'm sayin'...)


So I actually prefer having shaved legs. It just feels better to me. When I wear PJ pants (an authors work uniform) or I climb into bed, I don't like the way it feels when my leg hair catches on the fabric. It shouldn't feel like you're starting a brush fire when you climb into bed. So that's why I preferred shaved legs--it's not because my husband demands that I am as hairless as Voldemort.

(Side note: second blog in a row I've mentioned Voldemort. I think I need an HP intervention.)



But I would never tolerate my husband, or any other man, or woman, for that matter, telling me that in order to be feminine and attractive, I must be hairless! I'm shocked that in this day and age of renewed hyper-feminism, and the very on-trend body acceptance movement, that we as women are still feeding into this silly stereotype that hairlessness = femininity.

I hate to break it to the word, but..... God made men AND women, and he made us both with hair in certain areas of our body. Both of us. So if dudes can walk around with fuzzy legs and armpits, then why is it gross when a woman does it? If a woman is choosing not to shave, pluck, wax, and laser herself into Caillou territory, then what business is it of anybody else's? Yes, even her husband.



(Sit down, haters. I'm a married woman, and I think my husband pretty much hung the moon. I am not a man hater. I just don't think men--or anyone else!--should have a say in what level of hairlessness or hairiness a woman chooses to exercise.)

I actually heard a man recently tell someone that he prefers women to be....er...hairless everywhere, otherwise he won't even consider sleeping with her. Do you see where I'm going with this? In the interest of keeping this blog PG13, I will not explain further, but here's what my reaction looked like:



Yeah. Not happy.

I just, I just....I can't even. Why can't every man be as cool as mine?

Dude. Let me break this down for you:



1.) God made each of us exactly the way He wanted us to be. Which means, he wanted women to have hair. Hair on our heads, hair in our noses, hair under our arms, hair in our  *whispers* swimsuit area, hair on our legs, hair on our toes, and hair in weird random places when our hormones go nuts, like nipples or chins. If He didn't want us to look this way, he wouldn't have created us this way.

2.) If you can only make love to a woman whose body is completely hairless, then you should honestly seek some counseling, because you shouldn't want a woman to look and feel like a 12 year old minor in the sack. Once in a while? Sure. All the time because that's what she prefers? No problem. But if that's the only way you can go the distance with a woman....you have deeper issues than I can help you with. FYI: grown women have hair. Children don't. Don't be gross.



3.) The women in your life work their tails off at being as hairless as they actually are--whatever that looks like for them personally--and rather than complaining and demanding certain standards to be met, why not be grateful they're putting forth effort at all? It takes time to shave your legs and pits. It takes money to get your brows waxed or your bikini line lasered. It hurts to grow back hair that has been removed. This is no small feat for women. Show some gratitude, boys!!

4.) Very few of you even attempt to man-scape. Let's get real for a moment: raise your hand if you trim and pluck and shave (other than your face) and wax and laser on the regular. Yeah. I don't see very many of you with your hand up. If you don't try that hard, why is it required of your female counterpart? I mean, honestly. Why am I even having to explain this? Let me break it down, you don't do squat and we love you anyway...how's about returning the favor?



I guess the whole point of this blog is...I think more women just need to be as hairy/hairless as they want to be, and that nobody else in her life, especially men, should have a say in it. It's not their body, it's not their business. And if you insist on demanding that the lucky lady in your life is as hairless as a plastic doll, then what's good for the goose, is good for the gander. Maybe you need to go see your wife or girlfriend's wax lady to tidy yourself up, too.......

I think feminism looks different nowadays. Instead of it being a "stick it to the man" mentality, it's more of a "do what makes you happy and comfortable" vibe, and I rather like it. I think all women should just do what feels good on their own bodies, and if the men in their life doesn't like it...maybe he's not the man for them. Just sayin'....



And to the dude in the cafe talking about only being able to nail a hairless chick....

Get some counseling. Stat.

xoxo
Brooke