Tuesday, February 27, 2018

There must be something wrong with me.

....Because I do not like most of the things normal people like.

At first, I thought I was just sort of addicted to being contradictory (we all know someone like that--someone who contradicts everything that is trendy, or popular, or on topic, purely for the sake of being "different." Uh huh, told you we all knew one. If you don't, it's probably you. Just saying.) but the older and older I get... the more I realize, I legit don't like most of the things that the world at large really enjoys.

What is wrong with me?

For instance:

I don't particularly like pizza. I don't know why! I love Italian food, love carbs, have a significant relationship with cheese, love tomatoes, love most toppings..... but throw them all together, and slap them on a pizza, and I'm just sort of....

I know, it's weird. And even furthering my argument: if I am forced to eat a pizza, which I often am, as my husband and children (who are normal) really love pizza and could do some significant damage on a pizza parlor on any given day. But, I digress. IF I AM FORCED to eat pizza, I prefer it with pineapple.

I know. Not normal.

Second, I don't like tacos.

I feel like I just lost about forty readers, just because of that statement alone. But it's true. I can't stand them. My husband would eat tacos every single day of the week, and my teenage daughter has been known to eat enough tacos to make a very large animal sick. We have Taco Sunday's twice a month, and vary between beef and cheese tacos (standard American style,) and chicken and cilantro tacos (what we gringos consider to be more authentic--though, if we're being honest, what would we know?) And I hate both kinds.

Now......I still eat them. I'm not a monster. I just don't enjoy them very much. They're so...blergh.

Something is significantly wrong with me.

Third, I do not enjoy Game of Thrones or Outlander. I realize that everyone and their dog is watching, and that apparently they're so addictive they're like the television version of meth...but I cannot get into them one bit.

I know.

For starters, in GOT, why are there a brother and a sister doing it?? My brothers and I don't even speak, let alone do that, and it's enough to make me throw up. Profusely. What the actual heck?? And why are there so many kingdoms? It's so hard for someone as thick-skulled as me to keep straight!

And outlander? I.... I don't....ugh. I don't know why I can't get into it. Jamie is played by an actor hot enough to melt my socks off, but still... can't get into it. Just not my thing. Too time-jumpy. Too sexy, even though everyone is filthy. Too accent-y. I don't know. Just not my thing. Makes me want to make everyone douse their hands in sanitizer and brush their teeth.

GAH! Someone get him some Purell!!

Fourth, I do not like those face-filter thingy's on social media platforms like Snapchat or Instagram. I use Instagram--despite my teenage daughter calling me "old" on a regular basis--but I cannot, will not use those stupid filters that give you puppy faces or cute bunny ears or nerd glasses.

(For the record, I need no help looking like a nerd, folks. I've had that **** down pat since 1982. Booyah.)

I follow a few--okay, a lot-- celebrities, and some of them (despite being gorgeous) put puppy faces on every.....single.....one....of......their.....posts, and it drives me nuts! Why? Why are you hiding your face behind filters that make you look like a cartoon animal? I ask my daughter why she and her friends use them all the time, and she just snorts and says: "You're so old."

I still don't get it. Show your face. Give me a break.

And fifth, the return of "mom jeans."

Sooooo.....I'll admit, I own mom jeans. I shouldn't. They were a major no-no for a long time, but I kept a certain pair around for years because the high rise waist held in my mom-pooch nicely. But now that they're back in style, and everyone, including my aforementioned sixteen year old daughter is wearing them--with their shirts tucked in--I can't bring myself to do it.

Why do we want to have camel toes? Why do young women want to look like their jeans could crack their ribcage? Why do young women want to look outdated and like they're headed to the store for milk and Pinesol? These are the things that I can't wrap my head around. Of all the things to bring back, mom jeans?

I realize that by admitting my irritation with these five things, I am downing my cool factor considerably. I realize that my cool factor was hanging by a freaking thread prior to this post, so there wasn't much to salvage. But...it was time to come clean.

There are just certain things that the world at large loves, but I cannot stand. Sorry, GOT fans, you lost me....